Something so absurd.

Hello.
If you haven't noticed I'm not keeping up on my 365 day project.
And I will explain why.
I have been entirely creative lately, just not in the same sense with the photos. All of my creativity and time has gone to writing. That's all I'm currently thinking about actually. I stay up late at night and write these thoughts.
So, that is why I've hardly been updating.
Consider it on hold rather for a while. However long though, I'm not entirely sure.
But I thought I should let it be known.

-cl

ps. expect some short story thing on here soon. - maybe.

Listening to: Death Cab For Cutie.

Mood: Unsure. But at ease and peace with absolutely everything.

If you're into Brad Pitt as much as I and adore his acting; I strongly suggest you go see The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.
It's such a spectacular movie.
Near about made me cry.

As for the 365 day project, consider it as post-poned for awhile until I "find myself" if that's what this really is.
I'm not too sure really.
Writing this thing of mine has got me tied down lately - but the creative flow for it came to a halt just as I needed an intro.
This thing I speak of you'll probably never get to read, unless you're a friend of mine.

But I just thought I had it be known that I may not be on for a while and how long, I'm not quite sure.
Although I may post some different writing on here.

That is all.
Hope all is well with everybody and anyone who read this.

Post script: Reading Anne Rice has got me talking quite fancy lately from normal.

I'll leave you with this though.

 

I wrote this a few days ago, with intentions of posting it on here right then after, but my laptop cord decided to break and what have you. But I got that all sorted out, sweet stuff.

The title doesn't really quite fit with the whole "story" (it's not really a story but whateves), but I kinda thought it fit with what was going on - hopefully that doesn't confuse >_>

I got the title idea from this

Tonight, the stars went out.

Tonight, harmony sung,

Sweet soft melodies,

Pouring through the stereo speakers.

The energy and desire in your eyes washed out.

The dreams we once had; demolished.

Which was something I wrote.

And what I wrote below is kind of depressing, most of what I write usually is - because that's just how I roll.

Btw, I never noticed how short this was >_>

---

Dear Fiona dearest,
As you know, I am horrible at writing letters - but you're an exception. I cannot begin to explain just how much I miss you; I miss your warm smiled, your soft hanrds in my own rough ones - but more than anything, I miss your presence around me. Even though I know that you're still probably around me in spirit; it's just not the same. I've started accepting the fact that this isn't just another one of your photography trips, and that you're never coming back. It's been about a year now since you've been gone. Sometimes when I wake up in the morning, I can still feel yor body beside my own. Other times I can hear you singing in the kitchen as you're brewing coffee.
Since you've been gone, I had about five relapses back to alcohol. But still, I cannot drown my sorrows. This is why I have decided to end my pain and suffering without you. I have devoted myself to you and detached myself from everyone else.
I need you to know that this will do more good than bad. And I know that you would want me to pull myself up - but I just can't take this anymoe - I need to be with you again. I also need you to know that this will cause me less pain then the pain of you not being here.
That is all I have left to say.
Not another word.
I love you my dearest, forever and always.
Yours truly, Rick.

 

Niftyshit.

Part two.

Scorescorescore.

Not too sure if I like this as much. >.>

I should’ve added William’s p.o.v in this, but oh well – I enjoy it.

---

Jessica

    I sighed loudly and threw the pen across the room. Writing wasn’t going to get me anywhere, but talking to him would. I ran my right hand through my hair, stood up and headed quietly to the door. Pressing my face against the door, nothing could be heard at all outside of it. I slowly turned the door-knob and stepped outside. From where I was standing I could see his figured placed perfectly on the sofa in the living room. My heart right now was pounding so hard in my chest; I couldn’t hear anything else except that. Tip-toeing down the hallway, he must’ve noticed that I was there – because he lifted his head and starred right at me. I was hoping now that I was invisible, or just a figment, but that didn’t quite come true. Maybe this’ll make things easier, maybe he’ll do the talking, and I’ll just listen to his sappy apology. A minute, maybe two or more had passed. I hadn’t moved an inch and he hadn’t stopped starring at me. Finally he moved – he held a bottle of some sort in the air and waved me over. I forced myself forward and sat the furthest away I could from him on the couch. When William coughed, I could smell the alcohol on his breath, lovely. He took another sip of what appeared to be whiskey and placed the bottle down on the coffee table.

            “I don’t bite.” He announced softly.

I didn’t want to move, part of me didn’t even want to be that close to him – but the other half wanted it more than ever. I crossed my arms and decided to stay put.

            “Do you act on impulse?” I asked rather loudly.

            “Excuse me?”

            “Well you must’ve when you were kissing her, and I can only imagine the thoughts running through your---“

He was facing me now, but starring at that fucking bottle of whiskey.

            “Jessica Christ,” he whispered, looking up at me now.

            “Yeah what William? Are we just gonna fight and never make up? Do you want me to forget that your little fuck up ever happened?”

            “Well that’d be great but-“

            “But what, seriously, it makes me wonder what the fuck was going on in your fucking head when you kissed her. Because I’m pretty sure you kissed her first, don’t tell me otherwise.”

He turned his gaze back to the bottle of whiskey. To be frank, I have no clue why I never kicked him out before. Separation anxiety always seemed to get the best of me though, and I wasn’t going to have that again.

            “Why didn’t you throw me out Jessica?”

I stood up now, not wanting to say anymore, maybe me retreating to my bedroom would solve everything. But I guess not, because he was still with me in tow with his bottle of alcohol. I quickened my pace and slammed the door, only for it to be flung open nearly off its hinges.

            “What the fuck is wrong with you seriously.” I yelled.

He slammed his bottle on my dresser.

            “You Jessica, that’s what’s fucking wrong with me.”

            “Oh! Well is that so. If I’m the fucking problem, then go back to your lover-girl.”

I walked into the walk-in closet and started throwing my clothes on the floor. Maybe I should just leave instead.

            “I don’t fucking love her alright? I love—“

I turned around to face him, my hair lifting up like a cape.

            “That’s what they all say. I’m not going to believe you, because if you seriously need that bottle to help you say the words that you can’t sober, then I’m gone.”

I turned back around and heard him pick up the bottle, followed by the sound of glass being shattered against a hard surface. And in turn this scared me shitless.

            “That better?”

            I forced a laugh. “Too bad you’re not sober dumbass.”

I heard his footsteps approach me. I wanted to disappear, like I was never there. Go all Eternal Sunshine for the Spotless Mind on his ass. Too bad that wasn’t possible. I grabbed my suitcase from the floor, and stuffed all my clothes into it. William was two feet away from me, his gaze burning a hole through my skin, his breathing heavy and laced with whiskey.

            “Can we just start over?” He asked, kneeling down on the carpet.

I rolled my eyes, this was pathetic. Was he seriously that dense?

            “You’re pretty funny William. Go buy yourself a time machine and maybe that’ll be possible. But until then, tough luck.”

            “Jessica, will you listen to me?”

            I shook my head, “You have nothing to say so, why bother.”

I stood up, walked past him and gathered random things of mine and threw them onto the bed. Then I starred at the whiskey that was still dripping down the walls and that had soaked into the carpet. Tears started to line the rim of my eyes. I walked towards the door, then if walked as quickly as I could into William’s room, or the spare room. Racing into it, I closed the door quietly and locked it – thank god for locks on bedroom doors. Standing still, I crossed my arms and tried to scope out his notebook that he wrote his songs in. During this scoping out of the notebook, I took notice of how messy it was, how it smelled of his lovely scent that I missed. My eyes stopped on his bed stand, where I saw the brown leather notebook sitting perfectly on the cherry oak wood. With my arms still folded, I sat on his bed, by his pillow and reached out for the notebook – only for it to me knocked to the ground by my shaking hands. It opened up to a random page that screamed my name in black ink letters. I picked it up and read everything that was on it. I still love you, Christ; it kills me so much to not hold you anymore, to have you beside me, to talk to you. I just wish you would realize how much this kills me. Whatever else was written after that was washed away by his tears. After that reads as follows; if this is a test I’m losing my shit. My reading was interrupted by William’s voice.

            “Jessica, will you unlock the door?”

His voice was cracking, and I could hear him crying – I had never heard him cry, ever. This in turn only seemed to make me cry harder. I tried to hold them back though, I hated when he saw me cry.

            “Why?”

            “Because I want to talk to you.”

I closed his notebook and placed it back on the bed stand, stood up, walked towards the door and unlocked it. William opened it slowly and stood there, tears on his face. He brought his hand up and touched my face, which rather gave me a surprise – but it forced me to wrap my arms around his lanky body. I sobbed into his chest and held him close. I pulled away and looked at him, still holding him close for comfort.

            “I missed you.”

            He smiled and stroked my hair, “I missed you too.”

 

Oneshothere.

But it’s more like a oneshot series.

For the lovely junglegymjessica

And yai for Elton John titles conjured by Jessica.

 

Postscript: Enjoy this.

 

---

 

Jessica

 

When I woke up, I couldn't feel the warmth of his body next to my own. But when I focused on the noises I was hearing, I heard the shower running - which made me slightly relieved, because he'd gone out on me before and hadn't come home until ten the same night. But only because the guys had called him, and he couldn't miss this said band meeting. When I heard him singing some old tune, I smiled. He was singing Jo Stafford from the sounds of it, one of the songs that he 'dedicated' to me. I turned over on my back and starred up at the ceiling, letting his calming voice soothe my ears.

 

          It isn't your sweet conversation

          That brings this sensation, oh no

          It's just the nearness of you.

           

            When you're in my arms and I feel you so close to me

          All my wildest dreams come true

 

          I need no soft lights to enchant me

          If you'll only grant me the right

          To hold you ever so tight

          And to feel in the night the nearness of you

 

I smiled softy and slid out of bed. Tip-toeing quietly to the bathroom door, I heard him start to sing another song.

 

            I used to lie awake and wonder.

          If there could be

          A someone in this wide world

          Just made for me

          And now I see

          I had to save my love for you.

 

Ahh Sinatra. I was in the bathroom now; the heat of the shower surrounded me. I sat up on the counter and held the towel in my hands. He turned off the tap, coughed - then spat, and opened the shower door.

            "Holy-Jesus-oh my fucking god -Christ"

            I laughed, "Startle you?"

            William pouted and looked at me, "Yes, yes you did. Now pass me that towel. My dick isn't exactly confident."

            "But I've seen it before."

He snatched the towel out of my hands and wrapped it around his waist. He came up to me and put his hands on my thighs.

           

When I wake up, I’m crying. I always frequented this dream on Saturday nights, which meant today’s Sunday. I could smell fresh brewed coffee from the kitchen. I turn my head to look at the door, which is about halfway open. From outside the room I can hear The Price Is Right, the new one with Drew Carrey of course – only it’s a re-run. Rubbing my eyes, I slowly slide out of bed and trudge to the door. I slip through like a ghost and walk down the hall into the kitchen. From the corner of my eye when I’m pouring myself some coffee, I see William. He has his glasses on, and his eyes glued to the TV – like everything else around him is either invisible or fake. Lucky for me, I’m the invisible one. Things aren’t the same anymore between us. We still live together, but we hardly talk, have our separate rooms. We don’t even attempt to. We’re kinda like strangers to each other now. But today, as I sit on the other side of the sofa from him, he stares at me. He stares at me like he’s trying to figure me out, which usually pisses me off, because he never says anything ever – even when we both know there’s so much to say. He turns his head back to the TV as I take a huge gulp of my coffee that burns my mouth. Sometimes I wish I had the courage to scream at him, or something of the sort. Right now though, I’m hoped he’d open his mouth and say the things to me that I couldn’t say to him. Instead, he stands up, stretches his long lanky legs, and goes into the kitchen. It was quiet for a minute, until he coughed.

“That was probably the best coffee I’ve ever made.”

Not what I was hoping for, but it was a start – I guess. I heard him turn on the tap, put a few dishes in the dishwasher, close it and be quiet again. I sigh and stand up. I place my mug – still full of coffee – on the counter, and walk quickly past William into my bedroom which used to be our bedroom. He was walking quickly behind me, which made me speed up to get to the bedroom, slam the door in his face and lock it. I heard him sigh loudly, slam his back up against the door and slide down it. I threw myself on the bed and buried myself under the covers. Maybe this was all a dream, maybe when I woke up everything would be back like it used to be.

 

William –An hour earlier.

    It was about eleven in the morning and Jessica wasn’t up yet, which was rather weird for her. I got up from the couch, walked lightly down the hall and into her bedroom. Leaning against the door frame, she was lying on her side, away from me. I stared at the outline of her body, until I zoned off and jumped when I heard a slight rustle coming from her bed. I stepped quickly out from her room and went to go and brew some coffee. To be completely honest - I have no fucking clue what had happened between us. She never did anything wrong, it was me always that had to fuck everything up. Go figure. I remember the day quite vaguely, more than anything. I was home and Jessica was on her way home from work. I had actually never thought it through though when a lost fire had knocked on the apartment door. Then I had the nerve to let the whore inside our apartment. Which I regret to this day, until Jessica forgives me. Her name was Veronica; I had dated her for six months before Jessica. And I don’t know why I never stopped or why I had started in the first place, but she kissed me and I kissed her back. About that time Jessica had walked in the door, happy as always to see me; until she saw Veronica. I don’t really recall the rest though, just why she never threw me out.

Three Canadian soliers killed. The nations death toll?

100.

On Friday the fifth, three Canadian soldiers were killed in the Afghan war. This brings the death toll up to 100. They were killed by a roadside bomb, while tasked with cleaing a highway of explosives - on one of Afghan's most dangerous highways.

My heart goes out to the families of the 100 Canadian soldiers killed.

 

Ps. Had a need to post this. ><

So I like to be a fan and read up on how Travis Barker is, and in this article I was reading.

It said Mark had hinted that Blink-182 may reform.

Which, would be like, the best thing in the world.

And make me incredibly happy.

I feel like I'm a kid in school - show and tell day.

Pre script: I may be getting his story wrong but shh. >.>

We had a MADD assembly/presentation at my school yesterday. And during the video before, when there were true stories being told, he was semi narrating it. Afterward, he walked up to the screen, and was talking. He played a song, "Another Second Chance."
You're probably wondering who the hell he is xD.
He's from a band none of your probably know, because they're from Canada-land. He's from Live On Arrival and his name's Robb Nash.
And he inspired me with his story.

You're probably wondering why. Well. When he was about 17, he got into a car with a bunch of people, and his buddy who was driving was intoxicated. They hit a patch of ice, slammed a semi truck and went under the semi truck - which tore the roof of the car off. When the EMT's got there to check him, he was dead. But he came back alive. And when he awoke in the hospitial it was summer, and his head was being held together by screws and titanium and all that good stuff that holds a head together >.> He suffered a skull fracture and memory loss, but recovered from that. And in the assembly he said, "I learned from that though. that you have to seize every moment in life and making the most of everyday, but we were put on this earth to do something. And I learned from that, and thats why I want to make an impact on peoples lives."

They seriously know how to put on a fucking show.

Sink into the moonlight
Unwanted
Pale moonlight dances in your eyes
The soft glow of the city lights
Let me down.
Crumpled rose petals on your former lovers bed

The soft palm trees sway in the distance
As we walk upon the sand
The cool ocean hid out memories

The window open
Cool wind blows through my hair
You fall through my hands

Undivided
slip through the cracks
The sun upon the horizon
Clouds scattered across the stainglass sky
This was what we were supposed to be.

The lake, full of blood.

Walk alone.

The walls started to cave in.

The mirror, full of doubt.

Look out the window and gaze upon the morning fog that covers the prarie like a blankter.

The last thing we ever had was never there.

Like this fog, it had slowly started to disappear.

The gravel road, dasies on the side.

When you're awake.

Remember me.

x[
His kidneys started failing.
It felt really weird coming home and not having a small little old white dog named Max run up to you and lick you, after you get pounced on by your bigger dog.
R.i.p.

Not only did I email a guy from the alternative radio station we have her, that runs the punk show on Sundays for an hour.
And not only did I ask him about Flogging Molly tickets.
I just so happened to also get them for free.

So, I'm gonna try and make this a tad longer than thesexypancake's (Chloe's) review.
Although there are no guarantees.
And, it'll probably be rather descriptive and "story like" because I'm like that.
I also figured that I would've posted this when I got home, but I was too busy being insanely happy and headbanging around my house, listening and blasting Cobra with Chloe and Kayora.
Ps. This might not be 100% acurate, but I'll try to place it all in order.

We woke up at 6:00AM, to the sound of three amazing alarms. I shower whilst Chloe and Kayora start to get ready. After that, it's about seven-ish and we're all just sitting there until eight talking and getting insanely stoked. We end up leaving the house at about eight, got caught up in traffic around eight thirty, which was when we were wishing we would be there. But, non the less got there around nine, which was completely fine with us as long as we were near the front of the line.
So we stand and wait, get cold, me and Chloe hug each other every three minutes because we were cold. Fast forward to 11:50 where they started letting people in, and then halfway there was one of those mess orange barrier things before we were ACTUALLY allowed in.




After that, we waited a while to get an info sheet then headed to Cobra Starship's merch tent and then The Academy Is...'s merch tent. As we're standing at TAI's merch tent, waiting for Ziggy to tend to us, this guy comes up beside me, unbeknown to me it's Lipski. I think I had more of a freak out over Lipski than any of the band members. After that we walk around for a bit, get some food tickets (they need to go die) Chloe get's food then we go to the Hurley stage and finish watching some band (ithink), then turn around and decide to walk around and look around the merch tent area.  Anyway, we're walking around checking out the merch tents and walk past Confide's tent, the merch guy smiles and waves to us, we smile and wave back then head over there.

(Me, him and her match now with "Dancer" Confide tees. Which make you feel like you should either be rather muscular, be a guy or be a merch person.)
Then we went back to the Hurley stage to wait for Automatic Loveletter to finish sound checking and shit. They were pretty good, Juliet Simms has an incredible voice.


After they had finished I'm pretty sure we were walking around, bu I can't quite recall. Before Reel Big Fish was finished playing we decided to watch them finish up and this guy with a Canon bag and this other dude walks up in front of us. Chloe tells me it's Jullian, Saporta's brother. I ask him to get a picture with us, and his response was priceless. He had the whole, "Why the hell do they want a picture with me," tone going on. Unfortunately, my picture didn't show up, and Chloe deleted hers accidentally Dx.  I think after that we were walking around again. I figured we should get water because I was failing and almost starting to get heat stroke (BUT! In the end I didn't =D, first warped I haven't, score.) As some band was finishing up, before Bring Me The Horizon went on, I saw Oliver Sykes (Who, as said, is a total ass.) behind one of the chain fences talking to some guy. These other two chicks go up before us, eager to get a picture with him and talk to him. He sees us, and after he's finished talking to this guy, ignores us and totally walks away. Anyway, we get to the line for the TAI signing (so totally should've got there earlier) and wait. Number 63 ftw. Chloe was by (64) Ziggy just can't write. Our time comes after waiting, and while neither Ziggy, Tony or anyone else was watching (although I think William saw, which was maybe why he totally ignored me for a second Dx or maybe it was because i thought Tony was gonna be cool and sign shit so I handed him my bag, instead of my hand for him to cross out the number xD) I snapped a picture, yai.


I was gonna high five all of them, but totally turned all fan girl and couldn't bring myself to be cool and high five William Or Chizz Dx. ALTHOUGH, I did high five Carden, so that's okay. After that (this is starting to get annoying, I need to come up with something to start a sentence rather than "After that...") Let's rephrase that. When we were done with the signing for TAI, we went to go and wait by the street dogs tent and wait for Kayora to meet us there. I also had to use a porta-potty (gross, there was no toilet paper either DX) Come near two, or rather before Angels and Airwaves came onto the Main right stage, me, Chloe and Kayora get our place right up at the barriers and wait for Gym Class Heroes to come onstage. To be honest, Angels and Airwaves failed when Tom went all Guru on everyone. But, carrying on. Gym Class creeps onstage and everyone starts screaming as soon as Travie comes onstage with a cup of beer, spilling it everywhere. I'm pretty sure, everyone just thought that it was just overflowing or some shit like that, until we found out he was as he worded it, "so fucking drunk right now."  They were so incredible. Travis came into the crowd a couple of times, when he was in the middle, that was pretty great because Kayora, Chloe and I were like right there. I touched him :D. Kayora also got his crotch in the face. Before that though, Katy Perry came out on stage with a huge cake, we all said happy birthday to him (yai he turned 27.) Then she's like, "DO YOU GUYS WANT SOME CAKE?!" and everyone's like, "OMFG YES." So with that, Travie throws the cake out into the crowd and a couple of seconds later, me and Chloe get cake in the back of the head, lyke wtf. But, they were pretty fucking mind blowing.


When they were done their set, we waited while they took down Gym Class's shit and brought up TAI's, I started to get realllllyyyyyyy stoked as soon as I saw Tony fixing the sign.

(Soooo totally looks like he's jacking off xD)

And, when he was testing/settingup/fixing William's mic, I also got more stoked.


Like everyone else who is a fan of this great band has said before, I shall repeat. They. Are. Incredibly. Fucking. Amazing. Live. Mind blowing. Everything else. Words can not express me in how happy I was to see one of my favorite bands live finally and not miss them like I did at the '06 Warped.

(I have more amazing shots yes.)

When they had finished we had about three, almost four hours to wait for Cobra Starship to play. Oh joy. So with that, we walked around, got water and chips, sat in some shade, waited for Relient K to finish so we could get a spot up front for Say Anything and then Cobra. Come time when Say Anything was playing. They're amazing live, and Max Bemis is officilally my hero.


When they had finished, and when Lipski and the Cobra crew or whatever started setting up their shit, me and Chloe started getting giddy and insanely stoked. Speaking of Lipski, he also has a bad farmers tan.

(You can't really see it but there's two farmers tans.)

Suarez came on stage and me and Chloe were like "OMG." Then Gabe came on stage with Ryland and everyone started screaming. Fast forward to their set, I have just six words. They. Made. My. Fucking. Day. They were so incredible, I can't even explain. We also all found out that Jullian can't rap worth shit, he's still adorable. But I shall leave you with a couple of pictures.

(Hai Alex.)




This by far, was the most amazing Warped Tour I have ever been to.

One thing.
It was.
Fucking.
Amazing.



Possibly review later.

ps. best fucking warped tour ever.

HOLYSHITSON.
Long enough wait?
I think it was worth it.
I really, really like this part.
I'm proud about this part.
To be honest, I think it's amazing.
>_>
-----------------------------------------------------------
Ohhaithur.
This is filled with a surprise, but it's quite a swell surprise.
I like this surprise quite an aweful lot.
I hope you guys enjoi, like you always say you do. ><
"Cherise, shut the fuck up and get on with it!"
Ps. It's long, but I figured since you've all waited it's returned for ages, you deserved a long post.
Pps. Ana needs to post part two >:
Ppps. Just so you know ahead of time, near the end I've quoted two Doors songs.
"Lets see if you can spot this one."
------------------------------------------------------------

A new part the next day?

Incredible right?

I'm kind of on a roll and my thoughts kind of feel like a raging river.

So expect quicker posts this time.

I promise to make the next part a little longer than this one.

Because this is really short.

Enjoi.

Comments are welcomed :)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

 

                        Ryan stepped out of his car into the pouring rain and walked slowly up to Brendon’s car that was still parked there. He glanced in the windows, but he wasn’t there. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Brendon down by the raging river, soaked to the skin and sitting down and the wet grass. Ryan ran over to him carefully and slowed down a little as he got closer.

                        “You’re going to catch a cold!” He yelled over the rain.

Brendon looked up at him and patted the space beside him. Then looking back out at the raging river that was slowly growing by this rain, he continued to cry for some unknown reason. Ryan sat down beside him with his legs crossed and snaked his left arm around his shoulders. He pulled Brendon close to him and kissed his temple. It was now, that Ryan had noticed Brendon had been crying. He put his free hand on the left side of Brendon’s face and gently turned his head to make Brendon look at him.

                        “What’s wrong?”

Brendon shook his head and kissed Ryan lightly then put his forehead against Ryan’s. He didn’t want to say these words, because he didn’t mean them. He was crying because...hell he didn’t even know. Maybe it was all the frustration and unhappiness that was inside of him. But, it also could have been the fact that he didn’t love Ryan. Maybe he didn’t love him, but he sure as hell cared about him for some stupid reason

                        “I love you.” He whispered, but was still heard.

                        Ryan chuckled. “Then why ever are you crying?”

                        “I don’t know why I’m crying. It just kind of...came.”

Ryan nodded and noticed how cold it was suddenly getting.

                        “We should go, it’s getting cold. “He bluntly stated.

Brendon stood up and Ryan did the same. For some reason this felt perfect to Brendon, but it wasn’t what he wanted. He wanted to be happy but it wasn’t happening. Always thinking for yourself aren’t you Brendon. You selfish dick. Yet he couldn’t end this and hurt Ryan. He cared too much. Brendon took Ryan in his arms and kissed him passionately. Ryan’s heart sped up a little and he kissed him back. Pulling away from Ryan’s mouth, Brendon went to Ryan’s neck and kissed it swiftly. Biting at Ryan’s skin gently, Ryan bit the corner of his lip. He lifted Brendon’s head from his neck and kissed him hard. They stumbled back a little, causing Brendon to slip on the grass and bring Ryan down with him. Pulling on Brendon’s bottom lip made Brendon want Ryan even more. He ran his hands down to the bottom of Ryan’s shirt and slid his hands under it. He vigorously pulled off Ryan’s shirt and threw it off somewhere. Ryan stopped at what he was doing and starred into Brendon’s eyes.

                        “Brendon...do you seriously love me back?”

His breathing caught in his throat for a second. Of course he loved Ryan. Finally deciding what his answer was, he sighed.

                        “Yes I do, why would I lie about something like that.”

                        “So you wouldn’t hurt me.”

                        This is lovely you dumbass.”Ryan, look...I love you and that’s all there is to it.”

Ryan stood up, not caring about his lack of shirt and how he was now shivering from the cold, he headed to his car. Brendon stood up quickly and followed him. Catching up to Ryan, he sighed heavily and stopped him from walking.

                        “Please...believe me when I tell you that it isn’t a lie.”

Oh this is wonderful Brendon. You know you don’t love him so stop the movie and cut the filming and cancel the script.

Ryan squinted into his eyes and search for something he wasn’t sure of. He had the world for ten minutes and he threw it down the drain. Why couldn’t he just let it be? For some odd reason he remembered that they had some stupid show to play in some local club in three days. And the fact that they had to be on the same stage together acting out this incredible friendship they had that wasn’t fucked up and thrown out the window made Ryan sick to his stomach.

                        “I don’t know Brendon.”

                        “Well I’m not lying, because I love you.”

Trying to say those words with a meaning when there was none, made him sound like an idiot. Ryan pushed Brendon aside and continued walking to his car. He opened the car door and looked at Brendon who hadn’t moved. The way the rain hit Brendon’s face made him look like he was crying. But he couldn’t be for sure if he was or not.

                        “Brendon, I need time to think is all.”He said rather loudly.

                        Brendon scoffed. “You make it sound like you’re in-“

A crash of thunder cut Brendon off from what he was saying; making Ryan want to know what there was left to that sentence.

                        “Fine, think all this shit over. Then after you do please come and tell that I’m not worth your time, that I’m a dick and I’m completely worthless please.”

Ryan watched as Brendon headed over to his car and got in. Getting into his own car, Ryan slammed the door, covered his face with his hands and placed it on the steering wheel causing it to go off. Tears escaped his eyes quickly and he sighed heavily. He knew for a fact that Brendon didn’t love him back. Only because if he did, he wouldn’t have hesitated and avoided it when Ryan told him. He lifted his head and turned the keys that he had left in the ignition. When the car started Blink 182 blasted loudly out from the speakers. He didn’t bother to turn it down because he didn’t care. He didn’t care about anything in the world right now, not even Brendon. All he wanted to do right now was drink hard liquor until he couldn’t think straight. When Ryan thought of Brendon, he saw a totally different person that he had never met but was still so attracted to. But all in all, he missed the old Brendon who wasn’t an asshole and who cared and didn’t have to act on a script in his head. Leaning back against the seat of his car, Ryan closed his eyes and listened to Tom and Mark’s voices fill his head.

                        Don’t waste your time on me; I’m already the voice inside your head

                        (I miss you)

Sorry for the wait, I realized it takes a long while for me to start another part

as you can obviously tell.

I like it though, so it's okay.

 

Not to touch the earth
Not to see the sun
Nothing left to do, but
Run, run, run

This parts a whole 1,573 words. but it's not a lot Dx

enjoi :D

 

 

                        Brendon awoke to the sound of pounding rain, yawned, rolled over and was met with Ryan’s wide awake face. Ryan looked over at Brendon, reached over and fixed his hair. He glanced over at the alarm clock beside him on the bedside table that screamed out 3:12 AM.

                        “Babe, it’s three in the morning.” Ryan brought forth.

                        Brendon shrugged, “So?  Rain woke me up.”

Brendon moved up closer to Ryan and placed his head on Ryan’s bare chest. He sighed heavily and closed his eyes.

                        “Did you have a good sleep at least?” Ryan questioned.

                        “Yeah guess so.”

Ryan looked out at the window and watched as the rain fell fast from the dark sky. Looking over at the Bob Dylan poster that he had hanging on his wall right across from the bed, Ryan kissed Brendon’s head and smiled slightly. Brendon shifted his position and starred into the shadow of the light that was creeping ever so eagerly through the window.  He ignored the thought’s that were running through his head and put his face near Ryan’s. He didn’t smile, or blink or wait for a response. He placed his lips delicately on top of Ryan’s own. Pulling away rather quickly Brendon sat up and threw the covers off of him exposing himself to the darkened room. He looked out the window for a moment before looking down at the floor. He stood up slowly and walked over to his jeans that were carelessly thrown on the ground in a fit to feel close to Ryan. He picked them up along with his navy blue boxers and sighed a little. What had he done, just then? Fucked Ryan was exactly what he did, no details, just flat out fucked him. Sliding his boxers up his legs, Brendon questioned why he didn’t leave before things happened.

                        “Where are you going? Ryan asked with a slight disappointment added to his voice.

                        Brendon hesitated, “Leaving.”

                        “But its three o’clock in the morning and its pouring rain, can you not wait until it clears?”

                        Brendon pulled his pants over his legs and hesitated at zipping them. “Can a man not go for a walk out in the pouring rain?”

Ryan threw the covers off of his twig of a body and got out of bed. He walked over to the door where he hung his red velour robe that he never wore and slid it over his naked body. He tied it while walking over to Brendon and sighed a little to himself. Brendon looked out the window that was drenched with rain; it didn’t look all that appealing anymore. He sighed a little and dragged his eyes to the zipper of his pants that his fingers were still fiddling with. What was he doing? He couldn’t leave Ryan, not now. He sighed rather heavily at his scattered emotions and felt Ryan’s hands snake their way around his hips and to his hands. Leaning back into Ryan’s body, Brendon closed his eyes and felt Ryan’s hands move slowly up his bare chest. Ryan pressed the side of his face lightly against the back of Brendon’s neck and pulled him closer.

                        “Brendon?” Ryan threw out of his mouth questionably.

                        “Yeah?”

                        “I want to make you happy. Will you let me do that for you?”

                        Brendon kind of rolled his eyes. “Who says that I’m not happy? I never did.”

                        Ryan kissed his the back of his collarbone and sent shivers down Brendon’s spine. “I can sense it, I know you too well.”

                        “Sometimes I wish you didn’t know me at all.” He muttered under his breath.

                        “You’re not happy, because if you were you wouldn’t be all Miss Attitude.”

Brendon decided not to reply. He pulled away from Ryan and threw himself onto the bed that was three feet away from him. He clasped his hands over his stomach and starred up at the ceiling. Ryan walked over to the window and leaned against the window pane and crossed his arms. A mischievous grin crept onto Brendon’s face.

                        “What if I told you that I’m happy?”

                        Ryan shrugged. “Then I know that you’d be lying.”

                        “Well, that’s fucking stupid.”

Ryan ignored this and looked out at the rain that was pouring steadily now instead of hard. He then glanced over at Brendon and sighed. This is a complete waste of my time. He thought quietly. But fuck, I love him…But who could love me? I am out of my mind.

 

                        Brendon grunted quietly as he woke up. He opened his eyes slightly and was greeted by the sun light that was pouring into the bedroom. The clock beside him read; 2:24 PM. He sighed heavily and ran a hand through his hair that was drenched with sweat that had dried the night before. Throwing the covers off of his bottom half, he sat up slowly and finally zipped up his jeans. Ryan walked into the room with a cup of freshly made coffee and yawned.

                        “Sleep well?” He asked with some hint of concern added to his voice.

                        Brendon shrugged. “It was fine, nothing extreme. But I think I better go.”

Ryan took a sip off his coffee nodded slowly. “What for?”

Brendon hesitated, thinking of something go makeup so he could get out of there. “Doctors appointment.”

Ryan nodded again. “Kay, well I should let you go then.”

Brendon stood up and tried to remember where ever the hell he had left his shirt. Ryan noticed this and chuckled a little.

                        “Your shirts like, by the front door.”

                        “Thanks.”

Walking out of the room, Brendon entered the hall and proceeded to find his shirt by the front door.  He spotted it and walked over to it slowly. Picking it up from the floor, he slid it over his bare chest. Ryan placed his coffee on a nearby table and snuck up behind Brendon. He slid his arms around his waist and pulled him close.

                        “You smell like sex.” He blatantly stated.

                        “I know it’s the in thing now.”

                        “What are you doing later on?”

                        Brendon shrugged. “I don’t know, why?”

                        Ryan ran his hands seductively up Brendon’s shirt. “Just wondering…We could go for a walk or something then lie in a field and watch the stars.”

                        “Sounds like a plan.”

Brendon turned around in Ryan arms, so he wouldn’t give off the impression of being an ass and pressed his lips hard against Ryan’s. He pulled away soon after, slid on his shoes and picked up his jacket he had left on the floor. Like I’m going to go with you, fuck that; ahahahaha.  Throwing his jacket over his shoulder, he made his way towards the door and carefully placed his hand on the doorknob like he was checking if it was hot or not. He turned it slowly and looked back at Ryan.

                        “I’ll see you later.”

                        “I love you.”

 

                        When Brendon looked up from the passenger seat of his car, and looked out the windshield; he noticed two drops of rain that had not been there before. It had been four hours now at least since Brendon had left Ryan’s place. There was something inside of him telling him to bail on Ryan, but the other half of him wanted to see that face. That face with those amber-hazel eyes. That face with those hollow cheek bones, boney structure and thin lips. Something inside of Brendon craved to have Ryan by his side all the time. But the other part of his didn’t want Ryan, he didn’t`t need him. So he thought. He could do without him. Hell if he had a choice he wouldn`t even had have met him. Shaking his head free of these thoughts, he remembered about Julia. He remembered that he had her number. But nothing inside of him wanted to dial those seven digits. When I’m desperate, I’ll call her he thought. For about ten minutes Brendon had been sitting in his car, his motionless car. He was at a river an hour away from Ryan’s house, but he had not yet stepped out into beautiful nature scene. Ryan’s words hung like cold air in his head and repeated each other. I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you. Running a hand through his hair, he said those words a few times in his head, rolling it over and over and over until it got old and worn out.

                        “I love you…” He said out loud.

The way he said it seemed to cliché, but he wanted to try it on just to see if it was the right fit. He yawned and slid his cell phone out from his right pocket; he flipped It open and carelessly pressed in Ryan’s digits. On about the last ring, he picked up.

                        “What’s up?”

                        Brendon hesitated. “Uhm, can you meet me at that river that’s an hour away from you?”

                        “Yeah sure, I’ll see you.”

Brendon hung up before he could say anything else. Maybe he needed this, maybe he needed a change. But then again, maybe his mind was fucking him over again. Maybe the acid that he had taken every other day two months ago had flat out fucked him up. Obviously it had to have fucked him up anyway. Looking out the windshield at the grey sky, he sighed. He didn’t love Ryan and there was no way he could ever do so.

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do me a hugeee favourr. and after you read this, comment and buzz it. please read justjo's fanfic.

It's beyond amazing, and I can count on that.

here's the link.

http://justjo.buzznet.com/user/journal/2072421/you-top-my-lungs

He's all talk and no trousers.

I have to constently fight the feeling, everytime I go upstairs to not close my door, sit on my floor and play Bruce Springsteen tapes and listen to each side twice. And if it's not him then it's Cyndi Lauper.

 

What to expect this part.

-Brendon's an ass.

-Rydon action? maybe.

-A fight? : o probs not though.

 

"Carved your name on wood lastnight.

Carved your heart on an apple lastnight."

 

PS. I bet you you're gonna have to figure out what tetchily means.

PPS. I think i may be the only one that lovesssss  owen wilson.

 

anyway, here's part two a whole, 971 words. short but enjoi.

 

 

Stepping into Ryan’s apartment, Brendon let out a long heavy sigh. He kicked off his shoes and slid off his jacket, letting it fall carelessly to the ground. Ryan followed him and thought of how to approach him with these questions, more like these confessions. He sighed lightly and starred out the balcony window for a few minutes. Brendon walked into Ryan’s living room, threw himself onto his couch and placed his feet upon the coffee table. Ryan ran a hand through his hair and picked a way to get this over with. Brendon looked up at him, feeling rather annoyed and pulled out a cigarette this time, with a lighter. Ryan starred blankly at the cancer stick in Brendon’s hand.

                        “Since when have you smoked?”

                        “Since when have you cared?” He spat back bitterly.

Ryan heaved out a long quiet sigh and looked out the balcony door. “What’s your problem Brendon?”

Brendon forced a laugh, “My problem…my problem?” He paused and lit up his smoke, but didn’t continue.

Ryan ignored this and closed his eyes for a moment. “Can you at least not smoke in here?”

Brendon rolled his eyes, stood up and walked over to the balcony door. He opened it tetchily and stepped out into the cool summer night. Following him, Ryan closed the door behind him as if to keep the cool air outside. Brendon looked out at the shimmering city lights and felt comfort come from them in no way he had felt comfort before. Ryan watched Brendon as he flicked the ashes off of his cigarette onto the ground eight stories below. Brendon turned his body to face Ryan with one elbow left on the ledge and starred over his shoulder.

                        “What’s so important that you can only talk to me about its importance?” He questioned, taking a long drag off his smoke.

Ryan sighed; he really didn’t know where to go with this. He didn’t know where to start to express these stupid feelings that Brendon would clearly never return.

                        “So? Where’s this – I really need to talk to you, it’s important, it’s not about them it’s about you – shit?”

                        “It’s not shit Urie.”

                        “Tell me then, so I can prove you wrong.

                        Ryan hesitated a while. “See, I had this dream the other night where I was dying and you didn’t even care.”

Brendon’s breathing caught in his throat like a fish out of water, but he ignored this as if it didn’t happen. He threw his cigarette butt on the balcony ground and crushed it with his shoe.

                        “What’re you trying to get at Ross?”

Reaching for the doorknob, Brendon pushed open the door and stepped back inside. Ryan followed and sat down on his couch this time while Brendon got his chance to stare at him, arms folded.

                        “Why do you act like you never care Brendon?” Ryan questioned.

                        “Why do I - because it’s who I am.” He snapped.

                        Ryan faked a small laugh, “You never were before.”

Brendon leaned against the closest wall and starred blankly at the floor. He sighed once more, as if he had never done so before,  pulled away from the wall and started to pace.

                        “Brendon, I care about you.”

                        Urie merely nodded his head. “Really.”

Ryan stood up and walked over to Brendon; he closed his eyes briefly and sighed. Well, here goes nothing Ryan.

                        “Look, I don’t care if you don’t care, or if you just pass this off as another pebble in a pile of rocks. But I uhm…”

                        Brendon finally made eye contact. “Spit it out Ryan, so I can prove you wrong.”

                        “I love you.”

Brendon shook his head lightly and headed for the door. Ryan sighed heavily and starred at him.

                        “Do you not get it?”

Urie turned around to face Ryan and gazed into his eyes. He couldn’t walk out on Ryan, but it was the first thing he wanted to do. Hell he’d done it before, so many times, but he never had the weight of, ‘I love you Brendon’ on his shoulders.

                        “Ryan I get it.” He admitted.

                        “Well why are you being so fucking thick coated about it then?”

                        “Because I never expected this, not now.”

                        Ryan’s eyes got slightly glassy. “You never expected us to get signed, and were you thick coated? No.”

                        “This is different Ryan.”

                        “How?”

                        Brendon sighed. “Look Ryan, I can’t do this.”

                        “Bullshit Brendon fucking bull.” Ryan spat.

Walking over to Brendon, Ryan placed his hands on his shoulders and started to lightly massage them.

                        “Brendon we only need each other. Fuck the media, fuck the negative shit, there’s nothing holding us back except you.”

Brendon shook his head again and pulled away from Ryan.  By now Ryan was fed up, so he used his last resort. He stepped back over to him and cupped Brendon’s face in his hands then pressed his lips hard against Brendon’s. They embraced in a tight hug and Ryan pushed Brendon back so he was up against the wall. Brendon snaked his arms around Ryan’s back and pulled him close and bit at his bottom lip. Ryan took advantage of this and ran his hands down to the front of Brendon’s shirt and pulled it off of his body.  Brendon pulled his mouth away from Ryan’s and pressed his forehead against his. Starring into Ryan’s eyes, Brendon slid off Ryan’s shirt and discarded it like trash on the floor. Ryan gazed into Brendon’s brown eyes and smiled faintly. Brendon pulled Ryan close into a hug and started kissing at his collarbone. Brendon pulled away from Ryan, hugged him tightly and rested his chin on his warm shoulder.

                        “It’s not shit Ross,” Brendon admitted. “I believe you.”

Ryan smiled again faintly and kissed Brendon’s right temple then put his lips up to Brendon’s ear.

                        “Thank you.”

 

Title is from a Bob Dylan song, kinda suits the whole sceme of this series. It's a whole 1, 628 words. Enjoi.

                        Brendon looked up room the bar table he was seated at and saw a familiar face, just not one he'd met before. The blood red gown flowed behind the lady he saw. Her figure and features were absolutely flawless; problem was, it was plastic, completely. He sighed and closed his eyes briefly then re-opened them to see not a woman that matched that description there. He shook his head lightly and figured it was just the whiskey that was getting to him, or maybe it was just his usual insane hallucinations. He rested his arms on the table and laid his head down, closing his eyes he thought about the sky. Why the sky though? What’s so significant about the sky Brendon? All of my, my thoughts go away when I look at the sky.  But you’re in a bloody bar, and there is no sky.  In my head there is, there always is, it never goes away. His cell phone went off to ‘All My Life’ by K-ci & Jojo, Ryan’s ring tone. A grunt escaped Brendon’s mouth, not wanting to talk to him at all. Not even the slightest bit.  Maybe it’s important this time, maybe he actually wants to talk to me, not about his girlfriend problems. I mean, I love to help, but talk to me. Not about music either. Brendon sighed heavily and slid his hand into his pocket, with his head and other arm still rested on the table. He flipped it open and looked at the name and read it over before Ryan was to not get an answer. It starred back at him, begging to be answer. He sighed again and pressed the talk button, but didn’t put it up to his ear. Starring at the bright screen, he finally put his cell phone to his ear and chuckled for some unknown reason.

                        “Brendon?”

                        He hesitated; he really didn’t have the time of the day to talk to him. “What?”

                        “…can I talk to you perhaps?”

Brendon chuckled. Talk to me, you want to talk to me, of all people. Get a hold of yourself and grow up please.

                        “Why not Jon or Spencer?”

                        “Because this isn’t about them, it’s about you Urie, not them.”

Brendon sighed and looked at his big black dress shoes that were rested upon the foot rest. He tapped his fingers rather eagerly against the edge of the table. Still did he not want to talk to him, and started questioning why he even started to. Ryan’s voice on the other side broke Brendon out of thought, but it seemed like a distant echo.

                        “…Brendon, are you still there?” He asked again, seeming rather round up for some reason. 

                        “Uh, yeah, what’d you want?”

Ryan ignored this and asked him something totally different, more like where he was, that has nothing to do with talking to him, depending on how you’d want to put you. Again, Brendon tuned out and fell into his thoughts and the voices in his head. Maybe he really needs you Brendon, or maybe he just wants a fuck. No, no, no you don’t understand, he’s not like that. Then talk to him, maybe he’s hurting, have you ever thought of that? Have you ever cared that he was hurting or may be hurting? Something could totally go wrong and he could-

                        “Don’t say that!” Brendon yelled, not realizing that he had spoke out.

                        “What?”

Brendon ignored the looks he was probably getting and chewed on the corner of his lip, slowly taking off the loose almost dead skin, thus making it gush blood, but did he care? No, hell he couldn’t even feel it.

                        “Sorry, uhm what…what did you say?”

                        Ryan hesitated, “Where are you?”

Brendon finally lifted his head and starred through narrowed eyes. He looked around the environment he was in, just your typical expensive well known bar. And it just happened to be that one well known bar; The Aladdin Resort and Casino.

                        “The Aladdin Resort and Casino.”

                        “There?”

                        “Ryan can you stop being so…so, so…”

Brendon trailed off, at a loss of words. He couldn’t finish that sentence; he didn’t have the heart to say what he really wanted to say.

                        “Brendon, I’m guessing you just happened to be walking or left all your thoughts in a taxi cab and just sauntered into the resort and stumbled across the bar on your journeys and thought, ‘well this looks like a gorgeous place to get smashed maybe fucked on top of that.’ Whatever, I’ll see you when I get there, don’t even think of leaving.”

Brendon closed his cell phone and placed it on the table; he couldn’t help but laugh at Ryan’s girlfriend ways. Pulling a cigar, his only one left on him, out of his left jacket pocket along with the lighter, he placed it to his lips lightly and lit it up. He took a long puff and watched as the smoke escaped up from his lips. Brendon looked up at the brunette beauty that walked into the bar. She was decked out in a red mermaid gown, and a diamond necklace, complete with a diamond barrette that held her hair in place. She was alone, and was looking around the bar as if picking out some gent to sit with.  He briefly closes his eyes just to make sure this wasn’t something non-existent person he was seeing again. When he looked over at her again, he saw the real thing, not plastic, real, not fake, but real. As if catching Brendon’s telepathic signals, telling her to come and sit down with him, beside him and other things among that and further past that, she sat down on the chair that was across from him. Brendon smiled slightly and took another puff off of his cigar. The woman smiled warmly back at him, a smile that only stated she wanted a talk, not a fuck.

                        “Why did you feel the need to sit down with me?” He asked as if he knew her.

                        “Because, you look like a guy that…that…that, I don’t know, doesn’t want to get in my pants first meet.”

                        He chuckled lightly and lightly shrugged his shoulders. “But, truly answering my question, why’d you come sit here with me?”

                        “You’re rather good looking.” She stated quickly looking into his eyes.

                        He grinned, “Why thank you. You’re rather stunning yourself.”

She didn’t speak after that; instead she just looked around the room. Brendon glanced down at his cell that was vibrating on the table. He sighed when he read who was so eager to call him again. Brendon placed the cigar between his lips and held it with his teeth. Snatching his cell off of the cherry wood table, he hastily flipped it open and grunted into it.

                        “What do you want now?”

                        “I’m here now, where are you?”

                        “I left.”

                        Ryan sighed, “Brendon…please I need to talk to you.”

                        “Yeah well too bad, bye.”

Brendon pulled his cell phone away from his ear and starred back at the screen. He shut it off and put it back in his jacket pocket and lifted his hand up to his lips for his cigar. He took a puff and smiled warmly at the lady sitting across from him.

                        “Do you happen to have a name miss?” He asked, sounding rather charming.

                        A smile tugged at the corner of her lips, “I do actually. Julia.”

Brendon nodded and waved his cigar in a conductor type motion, but stopped instantly when he noticed Ryan. He starred blankly at him, and sunk down in his seat. His warm smile faded into a slight frown. Julia looked over her shoulder at what Brendon was looking at with narrowed eyes.

                        “Do you know him?” She asked politely.

                        He hesitated, “Uh, yeah.”

                        “And he is?”

                        “Just a friend.”

Watching every move Ryan made, he noticed that Ryan had scoped him out. Just like a clown in a group of business men. Walking towards Brendon, Ryan had his hands placed in his blazer and held his head down as if he was being punished for something he’d done. Ryan had taken notice of the beauty that sat across from Brendon but didn’t smile, let alone say hi. Brendon shot Ryan a look that could kill, and took a puff from his cigar.

                        “Hi there, how may I be of service?” Brendon asked, grinning.

                        Ryan shot Brendon a look back. “Let’s go shall we?”

A chuckle escaped Brendon’s lips as he placed his cigar back between his teeth. He looked back at Julia and smiled faintly, as if this was no big deal to him, because in honesty, it really wasn’t.  Ignoring Ryan completely he nodded at Julia, hinting something.

                        “You don’t suppose I could have your number do you?”

                        Julia looked up from the table, “You could do.”

She opened up her clutch and pulled out a piece of paper, as if she had planed on giving out her number. Brendon gazed at her beauty and stood up. He took his cigar from his lips and walked over to her side of the table. Leaning over her face, he quickly kissed her in front of Ryan, complete with tongue movement. Brendon smirked in between this and pulled away from her. She slid her number into his pants pocket and smiled at him. Brendon stepped away from her slightly and turned around. He started walking and sped up his pace, as if he was trying to loose Ryan’s trail. Looking back behind him, he noticed that Julia was already striking up conversation, laughing and smiling with some other handsome gent. Maybe she was there for what she said she wasn’t. But then again maybe, she was just saving Brendon for later.